Speaking of plans...
I asked for an ultrasound to confirm the gender and so I could see my precious little baby boy again. The second that the ultrasound tech placed the wand on my stomach, she asked us, "Who told you it was a boy?"
What kind of f*cking question is that?!
My heart sank and I looked at my husband who had turned a shade of red that didn't exist in nature. He asked her calmly, "Why, is it a girl?" I knew he wasn't calm. The room became tense and I let out a nervous giggle. I silently pleaded for her to laugh along with me or for MTV cameras to show up, or even for a fire alarm to interrupt what she was about to say. But then she said excitedly, "One hundred percent, that's a girl right there."
I was getting a daughter.
What happened in the next few hours was shameful and brutally honest. There were many tears and phone calls and dramatic sighs, the two of us comforting each other for the outpouring of emotions we couldn't understand, and more tears.
My husband had a plan. He was getting a son - someone to name after himself, to teach the game of baseball to, a built-in best friend. He felt sucker-punched and my heart ached for him.
On the other hand, I felt anxious about my own role as a mum. And because I never intended to be a parent, I had secretly and confidently been relying on my husband to bear the brunt of the child-raising. I know it's an ugly thing to say, but it was supposed to be easy. Punishment? Wait until your father gets home. Peeing? Watch how your dad does it. Sex? Wear a condom.Everything was upside down. But after getting home, calming down, and speaking to my parents who were ecstatic to hear the news, we came around. After realizing we weren't getting the son we had envisioned, we realized we were getting a daughter! The the perma-smiles appeared. It was like finding out we were pregnant all over again.
A girl was what I had wanted all along. And she would be beautiful. Dale and I laughed as we went through all the stuff we had and placed into two piles - things we could use for a girl and things we were going to return. My husband surprised me in that he wanted nothing blue. His daughter was going to wear pink and take dance classes and be his princess. What a difference a few hours make! He wondered aloud if girls could enjoy baseball, then said he didn't care and that he would take her to games and then do some of the stuff she was interested in as well. I was floored.
I looked at him in a way I'd never seen before. He wasn't just DP anymore, or the guy I was married to and bitched at about the dishes. This was the man would be my daughter's Dad. The man that my daughter would adore. And he was already in complete adoration of her.
|Baby Girl Grinstead - deep in thought|